Written by Katie Byrne, published 11th july
Disclaimer: mums are the best and all of the below is meant in good humour!
I've got my wedding dress down from the attic, darling - I thought it would be lovely if you might wear it on your big day!
Oh, I see. Of course it's not really your style. I absolutely understand.
*Silently and expertly conveys that she definitely does not understand*
Gosh, in my day you could have bought a house for the amount you're spending on flowers.
It's your money, if you want to spend it all on one day, that's entirely your decision.
*Looking at your guest-list* Darling, you seem to have missed your Australian cousins off the list.
What do you mean, your Australian cousins aren't invited? Auntie Sheila will be heartbroken.
I've mentioned the wedding so many times at my dress-making class that I thought it would be nice if I could invite some of them. I can, can't I?
Nope - totally understand. Your dear old mum can't invite any of her friends or family to your wedding.
You're asking for money instead of wedding presents? Gosh - how modern.
No room on the seating plan, my foot - everyone can budge up a bit, it will be fine!
I'm worried the outfit I've bought is a bit too... Well. Mother-of-the-bride.
Am I too young to be a hat person? Am I too old to be a fascinator person...?
Your dad gets to give a speech and have a special dance with you at the reception. What do I get to do?
Oh, you're booking your honeymoon in Portugal? We were thinking of going there! Imagine if we went at the same time...!
Can you make sure your cousin Sophie catches the bouquet?
Also, can you make sure your cousin Albie is sitting next to a *conspiratorial chuckle* nice young lady?