Written by Katie Byrne, published 24th jan 2017
Whether you're a member of the bridal party or simply a wedding guest - do NOT let these words pass your lips...
On hearing you're engaged...
"Oh, so you're you pregnant then?"
"Well, this is disappointing - I always thought I'd get married before you."
"Is that a temporary ring until he gets you a proper one? ... Oh."
"It's so cute how minimalist you guys are. I'd go crazy if my ring didn't feature at least one diamond..."
"So - what's my bridesmaid gift?"
"I'm so thrilled you guys are still together. When I first met [insert partner's name], I thought he'd break up with you within the week."
"I was looking at that engagement ring pic you put on Facebook. I didn't realise your fingers were so chunky!"
On your wedding plans...
"Getting married on a Saturday? Really? You're so mainstream it hurts."
"So how much are your mum and dad coughing up then?"
"Are you worried [partner] won't turn up on the big day? Haw haw haw."
"See, my problem is I have too many friends. So our guest-list would have to be a lot bigger than yours."
"...All I'm saying is, personally, I wouldn't be able to spend that much money on flowers."
"When you throw your wedding bouquet, can you make sure you throw it at me? I.e. - to me?"
"People will hate you for not providing a free bar for the whole night. You know that, right?"
On the wedding dress...
"Wow - not many people could pull that off!"
"See, I'd just feel embarrassed showing off that much leg/decolletage/etc."
"You planning to lose weight before the wedding day, then?"
"Ha ha ha. Very funny. Now show us the real dress!"
On the wedding day itself...
*Coughs loudly and hilariously when the officiant asks if anyone has objections to the marriage*
"Ha - I'd be so embarrassed if I cried on my wedding day."
"What fabulously thoughtful favours. I've always wanted a tiny bag of sugared almonds. Despite my nut allergy."
"Was there rationing on when they chose this wedding breakfast or...?"
"It's so embarrassing how drunk the groom's mum is..."