Your daughter is getting married! So here's what you might be about to hear...
"You're going to be a mother-in-law! Do you feel old?!"
I mean, I didn't until about 30 seconds ago...
"Gosh, I can't believe you've forked out for all this."
How do you know I have? Have you hacked our bank account? My God, do I need to call the Police?
"Will you be doing the same for [insert other children's names]?"
No, of course not. She's my favourite of all my children. I'm not even sure I'll attend the weddings of the others, actually.
"Er - do the next-door-neighbours really have to attend, mum?"
Absolutely not, darling - we've only lived alongside them for the last three decades and have weekly dinners with them. Remember when you used to call Ellen 'Auntie' when you were growing up?
"Haw haw haw, I bet you've considered wearing white, haven't you?"
Why stop there? I've also got a veil and my own bouquet arranged, too!
"Have you been a bit of a mumzilla? It's a thing, apparently. I can imagine you were..."
How perceptive of you - hear me roar!
"It's my wedding - not yours!"
Yes, darling, I know you're the one getting married. There's no way I'd ever spend £10k on fireworks...
"Isn't it time you go to bed and leave the youngsters to it?"
Thanks for your consideration but I'm having far too much fun learning how to Harlem Shake on the dancefloor.
"Do you get on with your daughter's husband?"
No. I mean yes. Or do I mean no? Let me know which answer you'd prefer I give and I'll adjust my narrative accordingly.