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The 10 commandments of the best man's speech

The 10 commandments of the best man's speech

Written by Katie Byrne

Comedian Tom Webb (below) shares his top 10 tips for delivering the greatest best man's speech ever


1) Do some impersonations.


Fact: everybody loves a celebrity impression. Make the wedding party feel like Sean Connery’s mixing their cocktails or Michael Crawford’s done a whoopsy and they'll love you forever.

2) Do a rap.

Everybody loves music. And rhyming. So what better way to combine the two than with a rap? You might want to make it about the bride and groom. And for that extra-special touch, you might even want to do a rap impression of Michael Caine. Something like the below (you can have this one for free)...

He’s a groom too soon. Made a wife for life. Off on honeymoon. Worse than a 25 to life... You're only s'posed to blow the bloomin' doors off!

Then say ‘Peace!’ and drop the mic. There won’t be a dry eye in ‘da house’.

3) Get super drunk.

The booze is free, and it's kind of a tradition. If anything, you’re a terrible best man for not being drunk.

4) Use the opportunity to flirt with the bridesmaids and/or catering staff.

You’re a supercool dude and the greatest darned speech-giver ever - plus you're looking pretty swish in your swanky suit. Love is in the air and all that...

5) Go on a best man speech website and download your favourite. cut and paste one out, replacing the word ‘Groom’ with your friend’s name.

Replace the word 'groom' with your friend's name. Think of it as a test to see if anyone in the audience is actually listening.

6) Make it long.

The whole day’s been about him and her, and people are probably getting bored. This is your time to shine! Make some jokes; maybe even perform a routine from that comedy DVD you got for Christmas. Work the crowd. Maybe do Rule 5, twice. Get out there and perform like Simon Cowell is watching. Think of it as your very own Best Man's Got Talent

7) Get drunker.

See point three.

8) Be as revealing and personal as possible.

You’re the best man - so you know the groom better than almost anyone else in the world. Really show him up in front of his mum and dad and the people he loves most. Maybe describe how he was physically ill on your ‘lads’ holiday. Or how unpopular he was at university. Or that he was inappropriate with an exotic dancer on the stag do and should get a check-up.

9) Do not follow commandments 1-8.

Yeah, this one's pretty important. 

10) Enjoy it.

Everyone is there to celebrate the love of the happy couple, not to critique your speech. And you’ve been asked to be the best man because you mean so much to the groom. Everyone is there to celebrate love. And so are you. So do that. It doesn’t have to be long, or funny, or rhyme. Just show how happy you are for the couple with honesty and love.

Tom will be performing his hilarious show, 'Tom Webb's Wedding' throughout the Edinburgh Fringe Festival - 5:30pm at The Dragonfly, 52 West Port, Edinburgh, EH1 2LD on August 3rd-24th 2013. Visit for more information.

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